Fascination
by JodieJelloCube
Summary: I'll tell you I love you, when you need to hear it. BBRae, plotless really. I'm actually rather proud of this. A look at another dynamic of BBRae, with in character, believable interaction.
1. Chapter 1

She had always been so endlessly fascinating, her skin of greyscale and her sad violet eyes. He liked to watch her, sometimes. His eyes of gentle green swept over her frame often, he never got caught though, or she'd rip his eyes out. That was just another thing that he found fascinating about her, she had the bravery of a thousand men and a kindling fire of anger that burst from her as boundless dark energy that nobody would want to encounter. She didn't like attention, but she didn't want to end up alone. She was so indescribably beautiful. He did not deny his feelings for her. He was the only one to know of them, but if anyone were to ask he wouldn't lie.

He was the jokester, the 'class clown' for lack of a better term. None of his friends thought him mature enough to harbour such intense emotion. None of them considered him grown-up enough to know what he wanted in the long-run. But he did. He wanted her. He had for longer than even he realised. He was cowardly though, he would never try and pursue her for fear of her rejection, and since his friends were oblivious to the level of his feeling, there was no one to give him advice or encouragement. He stewed in his cowardice.

He was mesmerised by everything she did. He watched her as she read in silence, her eyes flicking rapidly from line to line, her features shifting every now and then with an emotion brought on by the words she read so intently. He watched her as she meditated atop the tower, her voice devoid of any inflection as she murmured her chant, her purple hair ruffling in the breeze and shining magenta in the light of the setting sun. He watched her as she fought criminals, encased in a dark aura and broadcasting her power, her eyes glowing and mouth scowling. She was always beautiful.

On many occasions they'd assisted each other in battle, and not in the normal teamwork kind of way. They always seemed to lock eyes from across the room, or rush to each other specifically in times of crisis. Even though Beast Boy felt bad admitting it, he cared for Raven's safety more than the others'. He wondered if Raven felt the same, because often mid-fight he'd catch her eyes on him, an expression of extreme determination etched upon her hauntingly beautiful face. He fervently hoped that she cared for him in the same capacity that he cared for her. But hope was all he could do.

They were in a fight with Dr Light; it was taking longer than usual to apprehend him. Beast Boy knew, as did all the Titans, that Raven and Dr Light had a history of a sort. Dr Light had been terrified of Raven since that evening when rage had been released. Beast Boy knew that Raven didn't like being considered dark, evil or even 'creepy' because it made her think too much of her father. Even though Raven had never actually said it, Beast Boy knew that Raven disliked Dr Light more than any of the other lowlifes they'd come up against, because when he looked at her, she would see the fright in his eyes, and it would crush her already fragile self-esteem. Dr Light had shot Beast Boy with a solar powered blaster, the blinding light and crackling electricity sending him rocketing backward, slamming mercilessly into the wall. Raven was there almost instantly, aiding him to his feet and checking him for injuries.

"Are you alright, Gar?" she asked softly, but urgently.

Beast Boy had started going by his birth name, he had grown older and found that his 'super hero persona' was a tad childish for his personal taste. The other Titans often opted for sticking with the nickname of BB, though. He always got a chill when Raven called him 'Gar', because it was his name, his _real_ name. She spoke it so gently every time and Beast Boy found it hard to breathe when he heard it.

"I'm fine, Rae. Thanks." He told her just as softly, his attention quickly returning to the fight at hand.

They were a few short feet apart, both braced for an attack. Raven levitated just above Beast Boy's head, close enough to grab him out of harm's way if need be. Raven had become increasingly protective over Beast Boy. There were still times where she wanted to tear her hair out in his presence and she was still short-tempered and impatient, but Beast Boy had really grown on her. In a lot of ways Beast Boy had done more for her than the other Titans, though Raven knew her bond with Robin would never be severed, it was purely platonic. Robin was there for Raven in the way that he was there for the rest of the team, he was their leader, their trusted commander and Raven's powers had intensified their connection but had not affected their outward feelings. Beast Boy had been there for Raven in ways she hadn't anticipated. When she felt broken, Beast Boy helped her see that she wasn't. When she felt alone, Beast Boy let her know that she never would be. Beast Boy's gentle words were a balm for Raven's inner wounds, the ones that nobody could see because they were nothing more than aches brought on by things she'd convinced herself were true, when she was the only who thought them. Beast Boy always seemed to know they were there though, and he always helped sooth them. She marvelled at how he did that. Beast Boy could be immature, obnoxious and maybe even a little naïve, but he felt so purely. His heart was on his sleeve and his thoughts swam in his eyes. He saw right to the core of everything. He always knew what she needed. He never failed to say the words she longed to hear. Raven would never conceive the limitations in his vocabulary. She didn't know that she was the only word he knew.

Beast boy often planned out exactly what he would say to Raven if the opportunity ever presented itself. He confessed his love and endless fascination to himself in a thousand different ways, some simple, some complex, some half-finished; some rushed with words stumbled over. It made him feel an infinitesimal amount better to say it out loud, even if she couldn't hear it. Whenever Raven was hurting, Beast Boy knew what to say, without even trying. His diction was more often than not restricted to bad jokes, movie trivia and lectures about the benefit of tofu but when Raven needed comforting the words fell off his tongue like a script that Shakespeare himself would've creamed over, and it was due to her. Raven brought out the best in Beast Boy. He would be anything for her. He would do anything for her.

Raven had seen the changes in Beast Boy over the years. She'd never really disliked him as such, it was just that in the beginning she herself was a lot more uptight and easily-agitated and that combined with Beast Boy's jovial nature and childish approach almost always ended in heated arguments and unjustified resentment. But as the time passed Raven had loosened up and Beast Boy had grown up and they'd picked each other up along the way enough times for each of them to notice the spark between them. Raven found Gar to be endearing, charming even. Though she was reluctant to admit it, she also found him funny. She would forever be grateful of his endless quest to make her smile, because he was the only person in her entire life that'd made such an obvious attempt at bringing her happiness. The years had been kind to Beast Boy too, he was nearly a foot taller than her now, his strong jawline complimented his dimpled smirk, his chiselled chest and well-toned arms had caused Raven's lust to be unleashed. Raven dreaded to think what would happen if Beast Boy were to get through the mirror now.

Raven and Beast Boy had long ago accepted that their relationship was of a dynamic very different from the ones they shared with the other Titans. Neither one of them wanted to talk about it, simply because they didn't have the words to say. They danced around their feelings, refusing to address the charged silence that often fell between them after private moments. Raven and Beast Boy had shared quite a few moments that they would never speak of to the other Titans, simply because they might mean less if they were broadcast. Even though these conversations were fleeting and infrequent, they brought both of them such comfort just in knowing that the other was there for them explicitly. No matter how much these moments meant however, after the teens were separated they'd always berate themselves for words they'd left unsaid. It was a matter of not enough for fear of giving too much.

As the confrontation continued Dr Light flipped a switch on the arm of his suit, not wanting to find out what it activated Raven immediately levitate toward him. Dr Light stumbled back, his bravado shattered by Raven's advancing dark. Beast Boy watched, infuriated as hurt, hatred and determination flashed in Raven's violet eyes. Beast boy despised Dr Light in a way that no one would ever understand. Dr Light looked at Raven as if she were the menace, as if she were the threat, he was a villain, a self-proclaimed 'bad guy' yet he looked at Raven like she was the monster under the bed, the ghoul in the cupboard, the face of evil's finest. Beast Boy hated him for his undignified reaction to the woman that had been the object of Beast Boy's affections for longer than anyone would've believed.

Raven instantly overcame her insecurity as she screamed in exertion, using a little too much energy due to hatred for her opponent. Dr Light was rocketed back, knocking over several expensive looking machines in the large power plant he'd been harvesting energy from. Beast Boy permitted himself a smug grin as Raven delivered the final blow. Dr Light was knocked unconscious and easily deposited into a police car by Robin and Cyborg.

"Nice shot, Rae." Beast Boy called to her, hoping to erase the remnants of her insecurity that he was sure she was still struggling with.

Raven gave him the tiniest of smiles, these smiles were few and far between, and they were his and his alone. He cherished each and every one.

It was late that night; the sun had long fallen and was not soon to be rising again. Beat Boy had been heading for a midnight snack, he did this most nights, his metabolism shifted a lot between different animal forms often causing him to have a weak bladder and impressive appetite, the more morphing he did, the worse it got. Each and every time he took the trip to the kitchen when the rest of the team were sleeping he'd always stop outside Raven's door, just long enough for his animal senses to pick up the sound of her even breathing, then he'd move on. He liked knowing that she slept peacefully. He liked knowing she was safe.

That night however, he didn't hear breathing at all. He panicked, pushing the door open immediately, without thinking of pros and cons. He sighed with deep relief when he found her bed empty, before realising that wasn't necessarily a good thing. Knowing Raven as well as he did, there was only one place she could be.

Sure enough, Beast Boy found Raven on the roof's edge, gazing out over the water, a moonlight pathway shimmering on its surface. The stars dotted the dark sky, swirling black with midnight blue and twinkling light. Raven reminded Beast Boy of a peaceful night, beautiful despite its darkness. Nobody could question the fascinating, otherworldly beauty of a vast, starry sky. Raven was fascinating. Raven was otherworldly. Raven was beautiful.

"Hey, Rae." Beast Boy greeted softly as he sat himself beside her.

"Gar, what're you doing up?" she asked just as gently, obvious curiosity the only inflection on her speech.

"I was hungry. I didn't hear anything from your room; I figured you'd be here." He shrugged.

"Don't you find it strange? How we can read each other so well…" she mused.

"I think it's a good thing…" he admitted.

"It's helped a lot. You always know what to say to make me feel better. I feel like sometimes you're the only one who really knows what I need." Raven confessed, Beast Boy's animal senses picking up her shyly whispered words.

"You're not exactly wrong about that…I don't know how to explain it…it's just…I never really know what to say to you, y'know, conversation wise. When we first met the only thing that came to mind were shitty jokes…you had me tongue-tied…but it seems that whenever there's something specific that you need someone to tell you…I'm always able to blurt it out just right, in the heat of the moment…I suppose that's because I don't want anybody else to say the things you need to hear…because I want you to need _me_. _I_ want to make you feel better." Beast Boy finally told her.

"You did it again." She said, a tiny smile gracing her lips. Her "Beast Boy" smile.

"Did what?" he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Told me exactly what I needed to hear." She explained.

Beast Boy smiled wistfully, and tentatively took a hold of Raven's hand. It wasn't meant to be a romantic act as such, it was just such a simple form of contact, and Beast Boy felt that he needed to touch her; he felt comfort in her skin on his. She linked their fingers.

"Do you think we'll always be like this?" Beast Boy asked gently, hopefully.

"I don't see any reason why we shouldn't be," was her response. Beast Boy knew her well enough to know that it was a promise.

That was how they communicated. They were infatuated and fascinated from a distance. They joined in private moments. They spoke the words they needed to in order to comfort the other. And one day Raven would need to be told that she was loved. And Beast Boy wouldn't hesitate to tell her. Until then they'd sit in silence and stare at the stares, their linking fingers joining them. Those moments, those words were as infinite as the stars.

* * *

**Okay, this ended up at different place than where it started…But, yeah. I haven't written this pairing in so long, I suppose I missed them. I've been watching a lot of Teen Titans lately and I needed something to help with my writer's block. So, here it is. I'm actually rather happy with this. I think it was a lot more about character development and interaction than the story for me, so I'd really appreciate any opinions. **


	2. Chapter 2

I had originally planned on having this be a one-shot but I felt compelled to continue, but this isn't necessarily going to be a multi-chap, in the sense that there isn't going to be a definitive plot line, it's going to be a casual progression of character interaction between Beast Boy and Raven, and even though this _can_ carry on from the first chapter, it doesn't _have_ to, if possible I'm going to try and write each chapter as if it could be read on its own. I'm not sure yet if there will be another chapter after this, but I didn't plan on this one, so who knows?!

* * *

"They made a statue of us,

And put it on a mountain top.

Now, tourists come and stare at us.

Blow bubbles with their gum.

Take photographs.

Have fun.

Have fun."

'Us' – Regina Spektor.

* * *

She'd always been reserved, and there was a fine line between reserved and withdrawn. Withdrawn implied that she purposely distanced herself, and that wasn't the case, she was simply cautious. It's within human nature to expect the worst and her demonic heritage made her wary of people's reactions to her. She never wanted anyone to get too close. It's also in human nature to try to hide our vices. This was something that Raven struggled with, hence the meditation.

Raven never let anyone know too much, but slowly and patiently her team mates had chipped away at her marble exterior. They'd find out something new and then they'd give her space, never hassling for more information unless the situation was dire. The Titans had crept up on her, growing on her before she'd even realised it, and each of them had developed a good sense for tact around her. Starfire struggled with this, her limited knowledge of Earthly customs and appropriates made it hard for her to grasp what not to say. But it was this same naivety that made Raven quick to forgive her, because Starfire simply didn't know any better and never had any ill intent with anything she said.

Surprisingly enough, it was Beast Boy who had mastered the craft of articulately worded dialogue. He understood Raven in a way that only the two of them knew. Raven knew a lot about Beast Boy, and he knew a lot about her. They knew each other's fears and strengths, they knew each other's habits and they could read each other's body language so well that often conversation wasn't even necessary, but inevitable because it was Beast Boy.

Raven had learned that Beast Boy talked a lot because silence made him restless. Whenever there was a lack of conversation Beast Boy's ears would pick up outside noises, the rustle of trees, the howl of the wind, alarms and sirens in the city and when he was younger these sounds had scared him, he hated the reminder of his past fear and felt compelled to block out the noises with chatter. He still couldn't sleep during storms. Beast Boy had learned that Raven was terrified of the water, Raven's mother had never really raised her and Raven had never been taught to swim. Azarath had very few bodies of water and none of them were running or had any form of wave or current. The ocean scared her, she didn't like how alive it looked, how violent it could be. But she was fascinating by how untameable it was and how the lights danced on the water's surface. She was drawn to what she most feared because it was deadly and it was beautiful. She secretly dreaded having missions with Aqualad because it forced her into confronting her fear, while trying to hide it.

Beast Boy learnt that Raven's favourite colour was orange, and he had been so surprised that he'd pressed for an explanation. She'd told him that orange was bold, firey but vibrant. It reminded her of sunrise and sun set, this also led to Beast Boy learning that Raven's favourite place was the Tower roof, because she liked seeing her favourite colour shimmer on the waves as the sun welcomed and ended the day. Raven learnt that Beast boy sometimes found it difficult to eat with the rest of the team. His animal senses could pick up the stench of Cyborg's cooking from outside of the tower and it always made his insides flip. Beast Boy had no real intentions on making anyone curb their dietary tastes but the reek of sizzling fat and frying flesh made him lose his appetite and sometimes his stomach contents. He never told Cyborg because he didn't want his best friend to feel bad, but some days it was hard to take and in frustration Beast Boy would find himself in a meat vs tofu debate.

Raven discovered that Beast Boy was dyslexic, and because of the tragedy that was his parents' deaths he'd never gotten a full school-education. When the Doom Patrol had taken him in they had only had time to teach him basic literacy and mathematics, and due to his condition Beast Boy found even that hard to grasp as Rita and Steve didn't have the time or qualifications to properly tutor a dyslexic child. Raven made a mental note to never brand him as 'stupid' again, and she'd even considered apologizing for her past misgivings but a soft smile from Beast Boy had let her know that she was already forgiven; still her guilt had never truly dissipated. Beast Boy had shared that Raven's intelligence was one of the things he admired the most and it was just another facet of what made her so unique. With that confession Raven's guilt had strengthened, becoming an ache in her chest.

It was these insights and many, many more that had brought Beast Boy and Raven to the point where they were closer to one another that to the rest of the team. Cyborg was still Beast Boy's best friend and Starfire still insisted on 'girl time', but in a dynamic that was stuck somewhere between friendship and that other thing, Raven and Beast Boy had each other.

Beast Boy was the only one that Raven felt completely comfortable talking to, and by this point in time they both already knew how they felt about one another. But Raven was a firm believer in letting things run their course, she believed there was a singular moment in which they'd both know, and then it would just happen, they'd look at each other and share a single thought: '_Now_'. Beast Boy believed something similar, he was terrified of actually confessing his feelings to Raven; though she already knew of them and he knew they were reciprocated, there was still something intimidating about actually speaking the words. They hadn't ever spoken about what they'd do about their feelings; they'd just gone with the flow, content in letting things grow naturally. But at some point there had to be some form of spoken confirmation. Beast Boy wasn't afraid of rejection, and he wasn't afraid of Raven, it was more like an illogical stage-fright. Beast Boy believed that there would come a time where he'd overcome this fear, and when that time came he'd tell her. Maybe these moments of theirs were the same. They wouldn't know until they happened.

The Titans had just taken care of Control Freak when they'd been ambushed by the press, they expected it now, Control Freak was known for his broadcasts, and he'd disrupted every television screen in the city perimeter and given the reporters the heads-up they'd needed to bombard the teen heroes with inane questions. Robin was always a professional in his interviews, holding his head with the authority of a leader and diffusing wide-spread speculation about the team's 'lack-of-effectiveness due to another crook escaping once again into the public', the press would sooner run the Titans into the ground for profit than praise them for their assistance. This was only one of the reasons Raven had no time for the vermin. Starfire had trouble understanding the questions and was often ridiculed in tabloids for her mortifying but comical responses. The reporters generally avoided Raven, even though a part of her was hurt by their automatic reaction to her, the greater part of her relished the fact she didn't have to give them their 'scoop'. Every now and then one of the fools would feel rather daring, and then a few others would join and they'd shout their questions and try and get a rise out of her. Some days she came close to snapping. Raven had been loitering in the shadows waiting for her team mates to finish their segments when she'd heard the first call, and there were more to follow.

"Raven! How come Control Freak keeps escaping?"

"Who was the hardest criminal to capture?"

"You 'Heroes' have done more damage to this city than the criminals!"

"Raven! Over here! What's your favourite colour!? What TV shows do you watch!?"

Before she knew it she was swamped by them, camera lenses and microphones fenced her in, and she backed into the corner. She tried her hardest to stay calm; she didn't want to attack these idiots just because they were being idiots. Then, seemingly out of nowhere Beast Boy appeared and took gentle hold of her elbow, he tugged her away calmly and slowly and looked over his shoulder at the crowd of reporters.

"Her favourite colour's orange, she doesn't watch TV, and all the other questions Robin has taken care of. Now, if you'll excuse us we need to get back to the tower." Beast Boy told them politely but there was a glint in his stare that prevented them from replying. They fell into silence and the Titans left soon after.

Robin had the Titans do an excruciating work out session. The team hadn't been training as hard over the previous months because there had been no new threats and the villains they'd dealt with on a regular basis were all child's play to them now. But for reasons unbeknownst to the Titans it had taken them longer than expected to apprehend Control Freak this time. So in Robin's eyes, they were slacking. So he worked them until they all but collapsed and then sent them straight to bed, no TV, no junk food, no game station; nothing but a sarcastic "Yes, Dad" From Beast Boy and Cyborg.

So as they walked to their respective chambers with still bated breath Raven turned to Beast Boy and gave him one of her tiny smiles that he loved so much. "Thank you for what you did earlier, Gar." She told him softly and he grinned at her, all dimples and nervous laughter. "It was no problem; those guys can get under all of our skin sometimes."

Raven rested a hand on his arm and she smiled, this one just slightly more pronounced than the first. Beast Boy loved her, he knew it, she knew it, and she felt the same. They'd never said the word aloud to one another, but they were both confident that they would one day. Beast Boy wanted so much to kiss her goodnight, but even though he was hers, she was not his to claim even though he knew she'd so readily give. So instead he smiled right back and placed his hand atop of hers where it still rested on his opposite arm.

"Goodnight Raven."

"'Night, Gar."

The very next morning the Titans were gathered in the common room. Robin was at one of the monitors doing a brief sweep of the city to ensure there were no villains about. Starfire was peering over his shoulder, content in being beside him. Cyborg was absently flicking through channels, giving a wide yawn in a mix of both boredom and exhaustion. Raven was perched at the breakfast-bar with a cup of steaming tea grasped tightly between her hands. Beast Boy was rummaging in the bottom of the fridge; he'd arrived moments prior and was just now preparing his breakfast.

Cyborg gave an unforeseen gasp and the other four Titans turned quickly to find its cause. "What the-?!" Cyborg exclaimed as the morning's headline panned the screen. Raven and Beast Boy looked to each other in panic and then hesitantly looked back at the screen that was now dominated by their picture. It seemed to have been taken shortly after Beast Boy had intervened with the press. The news correspondent was babbling about how Beast Boy had 'rescued Raven from the prying reporters as she struggled to answer personal questions in regards to their relationship.' In the photo Raven's eyes were on the floor but Beast Boy's were on her face, his own a mask of obvious concern. Anyone seeing this broadcast could see how strongly he adored her. Beast Boy's cheeks burned as he considered that.

"That-That's not what happened!...They would nev-…They didn't ask anything like that!" Raven burst out, feeling that one of them had to say something.

Beast Boy moved closer to Raven, wanting to console her but he halted his advance when the other three Titans turned to stare at the pair. Their team mates had each speculated that something was going on, but none of them had brought it up. Beast Boy tried to diffuse the situation.

"The media exaggerates everything. Everyone knows that. It'll blow over soon." He reasoned but he was terrified that Raven would stop whatever they had before it even began because she hated strangers poking into her private life.

"That's not the point, Gar!" she countered, it had been so long since she'd used that tone with him that she froze as soon as the words left her mouth.

She turned to meet his wary gaze and he gave her such a tender smile that she immediately apologized for shouting. He just shook his head softly.

"You have a right to be angry, Rae." He reminded her.

"But not at you." She pointed out, Beast Boy just shrugged; he'd take the brunt of her anger if he had to. He didn't want her to bottle things up.

Cyborg cleared his throat and reminded the two that they had an audience and he then proceeded to return the volume to the TV he'd previously muted and the team listened to the rest of the report.

"No actual confirmation yet, and think what you will, but I personally believe these Titans have been keeping this under wraps for a long while. The media are calling Jump City's hottest new couple 'BBRae'." The correspondent finished.

"Oh, for the love of-" Raven started and Beast Boy grasped her hand in his.

They'd never gone any further than this, hand-holding and the occasional hug, and once when he was really lucky Beast Boy had gotten a kiss on the cheek. But it was perfect in its sickly sweetness. And maybe Beast Boy wasn't Raven's 'boyfriend', but he _was __**hers**_and vice versa. So, what if the entire city saw how dearly Beast Boy doted on her? It wasn't like he had been hiding it before they started paying attention, and he would never hide it under any circumstance. For that Raven was grateful, because he was comforting and consistent and she loved him, she just hadn't told him yet.

But he knew.


	3. Chapter 3

Lock the doors

'Cause I'd like to capture this voice.

It came to me tonight.

So everyone will have a choice.

And under red lights,

I'll show myself it wasn't forged.

We're at war.

We live like this.

Keep me safe inside.

Your arms like towers, tower over me.

'We are broken' – Paramore.

* * *

Neither of them had ever really had a way with words. He spoke too often and never about anything of importance. She spoke very little and impersonally at best. Yet they were able to communicate with one another fairly easily, but with each conversation they had they seemed to know that they were delving deeper, spiralling out of control, edging closer to the confession. They had no singular word, no accurate name for their situation. She had never been one to label anything; she wasn't a believer in categorisation. He didn't want to find a title for it, not even to himself, for he was a believer in 'jinxing'.

They had been dancing around it for far longer than necessary, or considering who they were as individuals, maybe they hadn't danced long enough. But, nobody could keep it up forever; one of them was bound to snap eventually. And they both knew it would be him, he'd never been one to keep his feelings back for long, and he'd always been opinionated. Plus, he believed he had to be the first, because he was the guy, and the guy always said it first, right?

She felt exactly the same way about him, or maybe what she felt was even stronger and certainly more intense than what he felt. For Raven this meant a lot more than what he could conceive. She'd never considered it an option; she'd never believed she'd find someone who could see her for who she was, someone who didn't ignore her flaws, but someone who accepted them. And she never imagined that she would feel for anyone the way she felt for him. He'd had a relationship before, no matter how short-lived and heart-shattering, it was still more experience than she had. These feelings were not new to him, and for these reasons she was convinced that her love for him was stronger than what he felt for her. She trusted that he loved her wholly and with everything he had, but it was her past and her faults that made her able to love differently than he could. Maybe she was right, or maybe she was unable to believe that anyone could feel for her the way she felt for him, because her feelings consumed her.

It was a quiet evening in Titan Tower, Cyborg was busy upgrading his 'baby' in the garage and Robin had asked Starfire to teach him some Tamaranian fighting moves, so the two were busy at the gym. The other two teens were in the kitchen, Raven sitting peacefully with a cup of herbal tea that's warmth had long since leeched out. She was perched at the breakfast bar watching Beast Boy as he tried and failed to complete the crossword of the morning's paper. He groaned in frustration as the final answer continued to elude him. He pouted down at the empty squares he couldn't seem to fill. Raven wordlessly turned the paper so she could read the hint. The crossword was on movie trivia and she immediately knew why Beast Boy was so agitated, when it came to movies, there wasn't much he didn't know. She also found out pretty quickly that she could be of no help. Raven turned the paper back toward the green boy and he gave her a little smile.

"This is going to bug me for a week." He announced as he turned the paper over so he could no longer be mocked by the remaining blank squares.

"I doubt anything could hold your attention for very long." Raven quipped; she smiled gently to let him know she wasn't serious. Since becoming closer to Beast Boy she'd found her sense of humour, it was of course more sarcastic than his and he sometimes had trouble telling if she was joking.

"You did." He replied immediately before he was overcome with a large blush. Her face flushed along with his and she couldn't supress her smile.

They'd both been aware of their feelings for each other for quite some time, and they'd not hidden them at all, but it wasn't often that either of them said anything quite so direct and whenever something was said neither of them really knew how to respond and they were left flustered and red-faced. Their eyes locked across the counter and it was at this moment that Beast Boy truly realised how hard it was becoming to keep the words in. Raven had spent her entire life learning how to keep her emotions at bay, and with Beast Boy she was steadily allowing herself to feel. Beast Boy was suffering with the reverse, he wanted to take things slowly for her sake because he knew it was a difficult situation for her, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to keep a lid on his feelings. He was no longer scared of admitting his love for her; he was just waiting for the opportunity to present itself. He didn't want to rush her if she wasn't ready to express her feelings; he knew that she felt the same as he did, but was she ready to show it?

Beast Boy cleared his throat and turned away, he searched desperately for something in the small kitchen space that needed to be cleaned or put away, anything to keep his hands busy and his mind distracted. But there was nothing. He sheepishly turned back to Raven, whose face held a serene smile.

"Gar." She said his name softly and as if under no control of his own he moved to sit beside her.

They locked eyes again, and this time there was no embarrassment colouring their cheeks, there was no crackling intensity between their gazes. They simply made comfortable eye contact, each of them looking for the answers to unspoken questions. It was a moment of calm. They were both at peace there, just watching each other's eyes shine in the light. It was a moment in which they were both on the same wave-length. And they knew.

Beast Boy took a hold of her hand and she linked their fingers, and this time the contact was not just comfortable or innocent. It was once said that to give another your hand was to let them lead you, or to trust them to follow. This time their joined hands represented their journeys joining and their paths entwining.

"Rae…" Beast Boy started hesitantly, not out of nervousness, he was just overwhelmed. There was so much he wanted to say. He was at a loss for how to say it. "You and I both know that things have been different between us for a while. And it was obvious to me pretty early on that there was no way of stopping this. And a part of me wanted to say this a long time ago, but I'm glad that I waited, because this feels right somehow. You know that I fell for you, hard and fast. And I'm fed up of keeping this all in. If you already know how I feel then, what's the point in hiding it? I don't care what anybody else thinks. I love you."

Raven had known from the moment he'd taken his seat beside her that tonight would be the night that she'd get her confession. Her entire being hummed in anticipation. And in true 'Beast Boy' fashion he'd held nothing back, but he hadn't exaggerated it either. Gar had always been honest with her, and she trusted he always would be. And even though she'd known of his feelings, she hadn't anticipated how perfect it would be to hear him say it out loud. She wanted to kiss him so badly in that moment; something that she'd thought of often but hadn't actually done. But he was waiting on her, and she would never let him down.

"Gar, I…You know that I'm not exactly an artist with words. But you know I'd never lie to you. And you supported me long before I let you in. You've been a complete saint, you're patient and accepting and you're always there to remind me that I'm still a teenager whenever things are getting a little too serious. You're the only person I can trust to love me, all of me. And I love you so much for all of that. But I love you more for who you are, for what you do every day, without even trying. Every day I fall for you." Raven's voice shook and it took all of her concentration to hold back her tears. She didn't speak often or in length. There was so much that she wished she could say that she had to hold in. But Beast Boy deserved to know it all.

Beast Boy tugged her gently forward and he held her as she got her feelings in check. She rested her head in the crook of his neck and wondered if she'd ever felt so comfortable. They'd embraced before countless times, but they had been nothing more than hugs and they had been few and far between. There was something a little more intimate in the way he held her now. Maybe it was because they'd finally said everything that they'd needed to, and there were no longer any barriers.

She peered up at him and pushed back slightly to see him better. They locked eyes once more and she could see how happy she'd made him. The lights danced in his eyes and he gave her such a tender smile that she felt like crying. They leant forward as if possessed by a higher power, neither one of them making a conscious decision. When their lips met for the first time they both had to pause for a second to revel in the contact. And then he began to kiss her, really kiss her. She found it hard to believe anything could feel better. And when he pulled back to breathe she sighed softly and rested her head once again in the crook of his neck. He planted a gentle kiss on the top of her head and there they stayed, until the Tower alarm sounded.


	4. Chapter 4

For the sake of this fanfiction I'm going to request that you pretend that 'Things Change' never happened. 1) Because it was a terribly disappointing way to end the series, anyway. 2) It brought up more questions than it answered and 3) most importantly; the events within this chapter would not be plausible if 'Things Change' existed. So for the time being, it doesn't. Thank you!

* * *

So when you ask "Is something wrong?"

_I think 'you're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now.'_

_No, we can't talk about it now._

_So one last touch, and then you'll go._

_And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more._

_But it was vile, and it was cheap._

_And you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me._

'_Tiny Vessels' – Death Cab for Cutie._

* * *

It was far more difficult for Beast Boy and Raven to make the transition from more-than-friends to an actual couple, than either of them had anticipated. They'd spent so long being subtle, they'd spent so long placing hands on shoulders and entwining fingers that they had to keep reminding themselves that they weren't limited to that anymore. Sometimes Raven would flinch when Gar suddenly wrapped his arms around her from behind, not expecting the embrace due to how unfamiliar the physical contact was. Sometimes Gar would go to kiss Raven and end up pecking her cheek out of sheer force of habit. But they were getting there, it was a work in progress but they were both happier than they could remember being.

As for the other Titans, even though they'd all seen it coming, it was still hard for them to wrap their heads around the fact that there was a new couple in the tower. They were pleased to see their friends happy together, but it still baffled them. Beast Boy and Raven had grown closer steadily and subtly, over a great period of time, and they'd kept it mostly private, it had crept up on the other Titans, and the changes had seemed so minute from the outside that the team hadn't expected the relationship to blossom the way it did.

Gar and Raven weren't publicly affectionate; they had no aversion to showing their feelings in public and did not actively avoid doing so. It was just that they simply preferred to keep it close to home, to hold it dear to them. Raven always believed that their moments would continue to mean more the less people knew about them. There had been a time in Gar's youth that he would've given anything to have a girlfriend to flaunt around to anyone who'd listen. He was the kind of guy who had no qualms with showing his girl to the world, and he still felt that way, he never had and never would deny his love for Raven, but since they'd grown closer he'd learned that a quiet night watching a movie would mean just as much, if not more than whisking her out to dinner, because Raven loved him, plain and simple. And he began to share her views, that broadcasting their relationship wasn't exactly to be avoided, but it certainly wasn't necessary.

It was tiny things like this that made him realise how much Raven had helped him grow, he was far more broad-minded than he had been, and definitely more mature. She helped him appreciate the little things. He no longer sought desperately for attention, he no longer felt inferior within the team. He understood now that sometimes his opinion wouldn't be taken into account, because there were five of them with many different plans and ideas and most of the time he only spoke because he wanted to be heard, and not because he had a valid suggestion. Raven helped him see that even though he would often be overruled by the team, he would never be overruled by her. She helped him see that there was no shame in being wrong and that he didn't need to prove himself to anyone, because the little things he did each day, and the citizens he saved were all testaments to the fact that he was a hero, that he was a man.

After quite a few blissfully happy months Gar and Raven's relationship was exceptionally strong, and nobody questions their feelings, they'd almost become old news. It was another Titans movie night and it was Beast Boy's turn to pick. He'd selected a horror movie, a favourite of his, 'One Missed Call'. There were multiple reasons why Beast Boy had developed a preference for horrors over the previous months. One of the many being that he enjoyed the thrill, the adrenaline, the entertainment that came with being scared out of your wits, of course another of those reasons that wasn't too well hidden, was that Raven hated horror movies, they terrified her, and even though she was required to accept her fear to stop it from manifesting, she didn't like showing it to the rest of the team. Beast Boy was the only one she allowed to see her in this 'vulnerable' state, and she gladly clutched onto him during the movie's run time. And sometimes when she was really scared she'd ask him to spend the night in her room, just holding her, because she didn't want to be alone in the dark. Beast Boy had no shame as he fed the DVD to the player and settled down beside Raven on the couch, with the other Titans getting into their respective places, ready to press 'play'.

It didn't take long for Raven to press herself against Beast Boy's side and bury her head deep into his chest; he smiled gently as he wrapped an arm protectively around her. She was so strong all the time, so competent that it often made him feel unnecessary. He had animal instincts deep within him and it was a natural reaction for him to be possessive of her, to want to shelter her. He knew that she could handle herself but he couldn't help the alpha-male within him, and he liked being able to comfort her, even in the tiniest of ways, even just by holding her after purposely scaring her. He probably should have felt guilty about that.

The problem was that Beast Boy was running out of horrors that the rest of the team hadn't seen, and the more horrors Raven watched, the less scared she became. This was the crux of his dilemma. So as Raven shielded her eyes from the terrors of one of the few remaining films in Gar's collection that she hadn't seen, Gar wondered if she liked cuddling up to him or whether she was simply scared. Beast Boy was a lot more insecure than he let people know, a lot of people had picked up on it by his near constant need to impress, to be accepted. But his insecurity was deep-rooted, and though he loved Raven and trusted that she loved him the same, he still felt oddly insignificant.

Gar pressed his lips to Raven's temple and she looked up at him and gave him a soft, little smile. She reached a hand up to play with his hair and he let her, and before long they'd both forgotten about the movie, they were transfixed by the way the inconsistent and dim lights of the TV flashed in the other's eyes. And they drew their faces closer and engaged in a heated kiss, it was searing in its intensity and Gar's arm wound tightly around her and pulled her closer still. Their lips remained in contact for a long while, the fire ever-present but slow and kindling.

The other Titans were drawn in by the events of the movie and didn't notice the couple's departure. Gar and Raven made it to her room and fell unceremoniously onto her bed, the fire that had burned their lips now danced in their eyes as they gazed upon one another. Hands searched, lips brushed, bodies exposed, skin slapped, breaths quickened and gasped off, the air was thick, their movements were tentative. They were lost to all of these things and the feelings they evoked, the feelings they'd created together, because this was something new entirely, something that neither of them could've hoped to accomplish. It was torturous, it was raw, and it was passion in its most basic form. And as it ended, his 'I love you' fell off his tongue as he fell upon her, and she breathed it straight back.

After they'd regained their breaths, Raven was led upon Gar's sweaty, naked and heaving chest. She looked up to find him staring at her ceiling, so intense was his gaze that she began to worry, she looked herself but found nothing there that could be holding his attention. She placed a simple kiss above his heart and he glanced down at her.

"Are you okay?" she asked him gently.

"I should be asking you that." He responded with a smile that seemed a little less than genuine. Raven had not been Beast Boy's first, though he was hers. And she flushed slightly at his words.

"I'm fine, Gar. But, you see a little…distracted." She mused. He squeezed her middle in reassurance.

"Nah, it's nothing. Just…tonight got me thinking about some stuff." He murmured as he placed a kiss to her clammy head.

"Like?" she pressed.

"I've never felt like this before. I mean, I know that I love you more than anything else in the world, but after what just happened I know that it's more than that. You mean more than that. And I didn't think I had anymore love to give, but you've always brought out the best in me, haven't you?" he smirked and she leaned up to kiss him, a kiss that he returned.

"I love you too."

The next morning Gar was miraculously awake before Raven and he decided to let her sleep in. He quickly got himself dressed and headed for breakfast. He sighed as he made his way around the small kitchen. He'd barely slept, his mind was so preoccupied. He loved Raven, and everything he'd told her had been truth, but that hadn't been all he'd been thinking about. He felt wretched for the timing but he couldn't help but think of Terra, and the fact that she had been his first. And after what he'd experienced with Raven, what he felt for Raven every single waking minute, he could finally see how deluded he'd once been. When comparing these two relationships, and _not_ the girls within them, for he would never compare the two, he finally saw the flaws. When he thought back to the relationship he'd shared with Terra he managed to catalogue his immaturity, his naivety. He had been far too young, emotionally, to have been in a relationship that reached the level it did.

He knew that what he felt for Raven was the real thing, but that left him questioning everything else he'd ever done. Every crush he'd ever had, every girl he'd found cute, every girl that'd turned him down. What were they? What did they mean? Why hadn't he seen from the beginning that Raven would be the only person he'd need? He felt as if his life had only now truly begun.

Raven chose that moment to walk in, her cloak billowed around her as she drifted into the kitchen; she smiled at him when she met his eye. Raven set the kettle on the stove in order to prepare her tea; she sat up on the high counter to wait for the water to boil. Beast Boy made his way toward her and parted her legs so he could stand between them, she winced as he did so and he ran his hands over her thighs.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't be." She breathed as she graced his lips with her own.

They were silent for a moment with their foreheads touching, and he took a breath before he spoke to her quietly.

"I need to go somewhere for a while. But I'll be back later, okay?"

"Where are you going?" she asked timidly, scared that he'd leave so soon after he'd taken all she had left.

"I just need to sort some things out. I'll explain everything when I get back. I promise." He told her and she just nodded. He pressed his lips to her head as he pulled back. "I love you so much." He reminded her, and she smiled.

It didn't take long for Beast Boy to take the journey down the deep tunnel system that contained the solid stone statue of the girl he'd thought had been his first love. He looked up at the frozen face of Terra, the girl he'd given himself to, the girl that had meant so much who now meant so little. That was what baffled him the most, as he looked upon her, forever encased in earth, trapped within a rocky grave, he felt nothing. He felt not even the slightest of stirrings within himself. He wondered if that were healthy, surely if he'd loved her some remnants of that would've remained, especially at her final resting place. Raven was perfect, Raven was love. Raven was who he wanted forever. And maybe it had been because he had been so young, but he'd never felt confident in making a declaration like that to Terra, not even within the recesses of his own mind. _'That wasn't love…'_ he thought as he glanced down at the plaque at Terra's feet. _'I don't know what it was, but it wasn't love…' _He knew that now. He was sure of it. And so he gave her a final goodbye.

* * *

Woah. That was longer than I thought it would be. So, you know the drill! You got any comments, questions or suggestions; I'd love to hear them. Shit went down in this chapter, huh?


	5. Chapter 5

When I looked at her, I thought of only you.

If only there was proof, I could use to show it's true.

Just crash, fall down.

I'll wrap my arms around you now.

Just crash, it's our time now,

To make this work second time around.

We grew up.

We worked and changed our ways.

Just like wild fire,

Been burning now for days.

Tearing down those walls, nothing's in our way.

I said nothing's in our way.

'Crash' –You Me At Six.

* * *

It was a bland day in Jump City, the sun was hidden behind a veil of cloud, there was no criminal activity, nothing of significance was occurring anywhere within the city perimeter. When Beast Boy returned to the tower that afternoon he wasn't surprised to find Cyborg polishing the already glistening T-car, Robin and Starfire were out on another date. Beast Boy chuckled at the thought, giving an infinitesimal shake of his head. The only insights Starfire had into earthly romance came from the movies she watched and so she expected nothing less than a fairy tale every time they went out. Beast Boy almost felt sorry for Robin, but he knew that if Raven were to request a fairy tale, he'd give her one. Raven wasn't the fairy tale type.

It didn't take long for Gar to find his girlfriend meditating peacefully atop of the tower. He took his seat beside her and the tiniest of smiles graced her face with his mere presence. She stopped her murmured chanting and shuffled a little closer until their sides were touching, every line joining them.

"Where'd you go?" she asked him softly.

He stared at her for a moment, as a few wisps of her hair blew in the gentle but bitter cold wind. Her eyes were far away, fixated on the horizon and the murky water of the bay. It was too cold for her to be sat outside for too long, he thought, but he didn't comment. He knew that he should just tell her where he was, he would never lie to her and there was no real way for him to downplay it. He couldn't quite understand why he felt guilty; there was nothing wrong with what he'd done. He had not done anything to cause any harm to anyone, yet a part of him seemed to know that Raven wouldn't approve. With a great sigh he answered her question.

"I went to see Terra." He breathed.

"What?!" Raven gasped, of all of the places he could've been, she hadn't even considered him going to visit that traitor. And after what they'd shared? After what she'd given him? She must have misheard. He wouldn't do that to her, would he?

"Are…Are you serious?" she stuttered, her breath coming quick and uneven as she began to panic.

"I needed to sort some things out for myself. My head was all confused." He reasoned, though even he had to admit the explanation was vague.

"And you couldn't just talk to me?! After everything! After I gave you everything, she still means more?!" Raven screeched, her panic bubbling over just as her tears did the same.

"What? No! Rae, what are you talking about?! I couldn't talk to you; I needed to think this through myself. I didn't want you to worry, because it didn't involve you. I was confused. About my past, about my feelings. The only thing I knew was that I loved you. I love you!" he burst out, desperate to defend himself from the mistake he hadn't known he'd made.

"And you went to her!" Raven cried, hurt and betrayal flashing dangerously in her amethyst eyes.

"Rae, she's a _statue_! I didn't _go_ to _anyone_!" he shouted back in a desperate attempt to get her to understand. Their volume was increasing and they were full-blown arguing on the roof of the tower. The first argument they'd had as a couple was nothing more than a huge misunderstanding, a miscommunication, really. Yet because it was the first time they'd fought while trying to maintain a relationship, it seemed so much more disastrous than it was.

"Then why did you go _there_!" she sobbed, finally breaking and collapsing into his arms. She wanted to hate him for what he'd done, even if she hadn't yet heard his reasoning. She felt betrayed. She worried that he didn't care, for a split second a lapse in judgement told her that maybe he'd gotten what he wanted, and now that they'd slept together, he no longer wanted her around.

"I went because…after last night…after you gave yourself to me, I realised how much I wish you could've been my first. I regret sleeping with Terra because only after what you and I shared did I realise that what Terra and I had wasn't love at all. I'd been such a fool, and I needed to know. So I went to see her, and I felt nothing. Nothing. Because compared to you, I never loved her at all." He finally breathed, feeling wretched as he did so. And Raven released the breath she hadn't realised she was holding. She knew that they'd both been foolish. Raven knew that she was loved. She tried to regain her composure, and deep down she knew that what Beast Boy had done was more than understandable, and maybe it wasn't the opportune time for him to have his epiphany, but closure was something that he'd needed to seek alone. The pads of his thumbs swiped away the few tears she'd allowed to trail down her face. He gave her a smile so tender that she felt silly for her overreaction.

"Is it wrong for me to feel nothing, for me to not care that she's…gone?" Gar asked in a whisper, although ashamed of the thought.

"Maybe. Of course Terra meant something to you at one point. Maybe you did love her. But, you're a different person now, you can love differently than you could then, and maybe that means the love you had for her is moot. But it still existed." Raven theorised gently.

Gar listened carefully to her words; she'd always been the wisest. She'd always had such an understanding of the inner workings of someone's mind, and how their emotions could affect them, even if she'd had to suppress her own once. There was logic in her speech.

"Everyone we meet, regardless of the role they play, or how long they're around. They make a difference. They make _us_ different. They matter." She whispered. And he placed a gentle kiss to her temple, because she was everything he'd ever need in the world. And he understood that now more clearly than he had before.


End file.
